Fat Esme and The Muscle Men

Right outside my office window, right across the street, there are men building a building and they are up to working on the floor parallell to mine (the 10th floor). So, I'm watching them actually BUILD a building and it's a big deal.

It doesn't seem like a big deal since everything is in buildings. But someone built them and these men are doing it right now. And I'm watching.

And I realized that things can't get done without some muscle. I do my push-ups every day, but carrying bags filled with cat food and litter upstairs to my apartment is where the muscle is important. I just don't want everything to be futile.

Terri is really smart. She has ways of accepting and not accepting things that is really admirable. I want muscle so I can function, but I want to be thin so I can function with self-esteem. I want to do good things and I don't want to always feel crappy about myself because my body is gross. I wonder if these men are thinking about their bodies or if they're just hauling it all up and together so people can rent a space and everyone can get paid.

love, esme